Hunger

Hunger. The word gives me a rush of memories because it is a feeling of discomfort. And ask me not how often that does happen – the misery. The messes of adulthood never get easier or better. Tomorrow is never better than what today already is. There is only more, and most of us learn that the hard way. ‘Living through it’ than ‘waiting for it’ is the supreme mantra of life.

I don’t think hunger is the feeling of skipping a meal. I don’t think hunger is having only one meal in an entire day either. A large part of the population skips one meal as a planned activity, and another has only one because that is all they can afford.

I don’t think hunger is on your special day, eating one late meal alone with a burst of tears. I don’t think hunger is the feeling that won’t let you work. I don’t think hunger is starving as a consequence of bad decisions. I don’t think hunger is the pressure that won’t let you eat. I don’t think hunger is that extreme craving to pick up from the garbage can and eat. I don’t think hunger is the feeling of nothing-else-matters. I don’t think hunger is tears that you cannot talk about. I don’t think hunger is that which does not allow you to sleep because there is nothing in kitchen and nothing you had. I don’t think hunger is knowing you don’t have a kitchen. I don’t think hunger can be talked about. I don’t think hunger is a game and has a name.

You ask me why and how I justify this? Because I have lived it all, and as I have survived through them all, I have this feeling that hunger must definitely be more than this.  

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All in a Day

I usually don’t log my day details for public but today could be an exception. Especially when I have a satisfying day, I keep it to myself because only then it ends being that. But again, today seems like an exception. Maybe I am in the wave of writing and words are taking me away!

Here is a day. A little more than 24. (a lot more?)

Not unusual but my day started by struggling to open eyes and pull myself outside the bed at 8.20 am with a four-ish hour sleep. We need to check-in at work from the work-location latest by 10.00 am. I need a pooja time of 25 minutes at least and 8.20 is right time to hurry up with everything and rush to work. I checked-in at 9.48 am. We need to maintain a time of at least 8 hours at work and I did clock 8 hours 16 minutes. And, no. I don’t plan to be so specific about the rest of the day.

So how did those eight hours go? Apart from 1 hour lunch break, 20 minutes discussion with a student, few WhatsApp catch-up conversations and quick talks with few colleagues, my rest of the time went in reading research papers and documenting a report. I managed to write 2000+ words and for any given day that is a significant achievement. Research documents take a lot of effort and time. On a not so good day, I manage to write 100 words in three hours and end up sending that to trash. This is exactly why and from where the satisfaction comes from.

Reaching home usually has my daughter running to me to ask what I got her. Today son had announcements of home works. While I unpacked my bag and got changed, asked him to finish the easy ones – there was a coloring to be done (the grapes are green, so says my son). While I prepared my coffee and heated the morning left-overs from breakfast asked him to complete a few others where I had to dictate a few sentences. Quick snacks and then took him to hair-cut. While he was getting his hair trimmed I went to book stall to get pictures of wild animals. We had to stick a picture of a fox as an assignment – the fox and the sour grapes story.  Back home and all assignments done.

I finished my 45 minutes workout session and had a quick bath. I then rushed to get some minimal groceries and a few medical supplies. Then went to temple for I don’t miss on Sankashti’s. I like the Bajans there. It’s usually 8 to 10 men who are 50+ singing local traditional songs with instruments. I spent 30 minutes and always make me go calm and happy.

Isn’t that all part of adulthood?

Back home, had to put son to sleep with a story. I do a short one as usually he sleeps quick. The fresh stacked vegetables were calling me to make a good salad as a side dish for dinner and of course I did. My daughter is a night owl. It was 12.50 am when I put her to sleep. She has her own play-time-talk before she goes to bed.

Well, I then decided to type this. I am doing it as a ten minutes job. No editing. No re-reads and edits. Just a log, as it goes, so it shows. Honestly, my day is not done yet. As soon as I post this, I will be preparing a cup of hot milk for myself and have it with plum cakes while I watch the next episode of ‘This is Us’, from season 5. I plan to wind up by 1.30 am but it might go a little beyond.

Well, I am not done yet. I plan to spend at least till 4.00 am working on my research document and then sleep. Why? Because, one, I have a research presentation with external tomorrow and I want to be my best. Two, it’s Saturday and I can cover up all my sleep later. The Godzilla movie in theatre has been waiting for me from long!

Just another day, Like every other.
A little more satisfying than every other.

More May’s in June?

While I closed my Project May on a happy note, indeed a very happy note, it’s already day five of June. I took a break on the first day of June just to wrap my head around and look back on how the month had passed. I mean it when I say that there have been days in May where I have over-lived. Sleep did not matter, nor did many other things, and I looked forward to each day and night. My Project-May diary dances out with pictures and memories in every resemblance to happily-ever-after stories.

My workplace has planned an internship for me of 11 weeks which started on 2 June. I have been given a set of objectives to be completed with weekly deadlines. I plan to complete my 11 weeks of work in 4 weeks and then challenge the team with more work. Well, here are my resolutions for the month June. I have one theme for this month, and it will be ‘Reading’. I want to read through June as much as an average person reads in a year.

JUNE RESOLUTIONS

6.1 Complete reading at least seven novels (target is more than 5000 pages)

6.2 Read more than 200 research papers on problem-based learning

6.3 Complete the 11-week internship tasks rolled out

6.4 Run a four-day course on Model Thinking

6.5 Write a mini-thesis of 100 pages

6.6 Complete 3 MOOC courses

6.7 Host a session on conducting a literature survey

6.8 Write the first drafts of at least 10 research papers

I am sure the July version of me will be a lot messed up! A happy mess-up.