Deeper than ‘Deep Down’

Note:  
‘I’ here is not ‘I’ like it actually means. It’s more of every kind of ‘I’, if you know what I mean. A very abstract metaphor. It could be a person, bird, bag, rain etc. Anything. Just anything. I am not talking of anything here that is way direct and easily understandable. I prefer to say that it is generalization of several contexts.

I see things that actually I don’t intend to. So does the words. I am not aware of the context so I decide not to come up with any conclusions. I am still happy. Because hey, there are always reasons to celebrate. You restore that in me.

I sleep at times with leaking thoughts (okay, I am full). I need arms that wrap me around to comfort. Those arms that would mean more than anything else in the world and beyond every material comforts. A hug that would be as soothing as a heart connecting lyrics. But it’s imaginary because currently you are beyond physical reach. You are not very far. But far enough from the expectations.

I have desires. They are not infinite or beyond. They are small and reachable. Yet they seem to move far. I want to blame you. I almost want to. I don’t know what stops me. I stop. I know it’s not evil to have small desires.

Sometimes I take bath singing fun songs. That I do because at times bath goes too much of sob and cry. The running tap water saves me from a bunch of things.  Bath is also sometimes a quick negligible routine. You don’t have any role here. I still bring you up and complain/compliment.

I have worries and I have been workaholic. I feel work eats up my worry. It does not happen so. Rather it makes work tedious and worry-some.  I think of you and pretend to assure myself everything is alright.

There is this crowd and the crowd is so complex that it has no representation. But that crowd does not make any sense to me. There is this one tiny thing in that complex and that is all matters. For no reason, in that tiny thing, you are there.

No one heard me cry. No one would understand what I am going through. And it is very basic that no one needs to understand that. It’s not necessary. It’s integral part of me and I decide the flow. I put pretty faces and pace and what not. I tell you everything is beautiful. You smile and say things are beautiful because of you. I don’t want to but I accept. As a matter of fact, I don’t have any argument or proof to come to any conclusion. I decide to agree on certain things with no basis.

I want to be in a zone where there is loud music, woofer and beats that mask every pain. Then I want to forget everything and sing my own song, my own lyrics. I don’t know what role you have there. Just be there.

I don’t know what it takes,
I don’t know how,
I don’t know where it leads,
I don’t know when,
I don’t know what I don’t know,
But I know you and,
You are there.

I very much know that, that ‘You’ is part in me. A part from me. A better version of me that keeps me going ahead. Thank ‘you’. You are doing an incredible job out there.